After a long battle with myself over whether or not I should continue breastfeeding Alex, I have decided to call it quits. This has been a true struggle for me, because the entire time I felt like I need to be ashamed for even considering stopping. I felt as though all of my family members and few friends were going to ridicule me, or worse, lecture me about being a selfish mother. After all, I was told that "A baby should be breastfed until at least a year old." "If you can breastfeed your child than do it! They get more nutrition from you than anywhere else." Even now, it still scares me to stop breastfeeding Alex. He is, after all, just eight months old now.
However, this past month has been a very hard struggle for me with breastfeeding. Mainly I feel Alex knows he doesn't have to eat his baby food, because he knows he'll get food from me later. He has also begun to grab at my shirt and try to pull it down to eat from me. That is the most annoying and embarressing thing EVER! And I don't want him to EVER think he can do that to me - especially in public. Some mothers may laugh and say it's cute, funny, or just him showing he knows where the food comes from. But for me, it's bothersome and embarressing. Also, he has been THE most distracted breastfeeder ever! He just doesn't eat like he used to. Except at night, when he's half asleep anyways.
So, today I've decided that it is going to be best for both of us if I start weaning him off of me. I'll start doing some formula to compensate, at least until he's a year old. But I am hoping he will be completely weaned off of me by the time he is 9 to 10 months old. Definitely off of me completely by 10 months though. And yes, this really was a tough decision. Because I do love feeding him from me - there is something so tender and sweet in those moments, and I'll never forget them. But, when it gets annoying and frustrating for both people, it's time to stop.
So, ridicule and shun me all you want! I am refusing to budge from this decision. I know it is going to be what is best for both me and Alex.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
To eat, or not to eat...
Feeding Alex baby food has definitely been a struggle for me. I keep hearing all of these stories from my friends who have or have had babies, that they just LOVED their baby food, and it was so much fun feeding them. I am not so lucky. Alex hates his baby food - unless of course it's sweet potatoes, banana mango smoothie, or oatmeal. Those are the only things he likes to eat with vigor. Not a very healthy diet alone, so other things must be forced upon him.
He is a VERY stubborn boy! (No question where he gets THAT from, I know.) And He keeps his mouth tightly shut when he doesn't like what we're feeding him. We have to pursuade him to open his mouth by making him laugh, blowing in his face, or even try to pry it open with his spoon. It has been a struggle trying to feed him - he just doesn't like anything but me. And, as flattering as that is, he is also becoming a horribly distracted nurser. He eats for 3-4 minutes then pulls away and wants to crawl away. It worries me that he may not be getting enough nourishment, or even enough to drink. Did I mention he also HATES his juice? What kind of a kid hates juice?? Oh wait, Mine does. At least he likes water well enough. Thank goodness for that!
Anyways, it has all been in vain it seems, and I can't comprehend in the least what that kid of mine is thinking. I can't believe I birthed such a picky eater! For pete's sake, I love food! And so does Xander, so why does our son hate it? *sigh* It is definitely frustrating for me...and I am trying so hard to understand what he wants, and how I can make sure he is getting enough to eat. Maybe, since he is teething really bad, that is the reason. I just don't know yet, but I am losing heart everytime he refuses to eat. Hopefully we can try better as time goes on. And hopefully this is just a phase he is going through. We'll find out. Anyways, just me venting some frustrations.
He is a VERY stubborn boy! (No question where he gets THAT from, I know.) And He keeps his mouth tightly shut when he doesn't like what we're feeding him. We have to pursuade him to open his mouth by making him laugh, blowing in his face, or even try to pry it open with his spoon. It has been a struggle trying to feed him - he just doesn't like anything but me. And, as flattering as that is, he is also becoming a horribly distracted nurser. He eats for 3-4 minutes then pulls away and wants to crawl away. It worries me that he may not be getting enough nourishment, or even enough to drink. Did I mention he also HATES his juice? What kind of a kid hates juice?? Oh wait, Mine does. At least he likes water well enough. Thank goodness for that!
Anyways, it has all been in vain it seems, and I can't comprehend in the least what that kid of mine is thinking. I can't believe I birthed such a picky eater! For pete's sake, I love food! And so does Xander, so why does our son hate it? *sigh* It is definitely frustrating for me...and I am trying so hard to understand what he wants, and how I can make sure he is getting enough to eat. Maybe, since he is teething really bad, that is the reason. I just don't know yet, but I am losing heart everytime he refuses to eat. Hopefully we can try better as time goes on. And hopefully this is just a phase he is going through. We'll find out. Anyways, just me venting some frustrations.
Monday, April 18, 2011
It's been a while.....
So, it has definitely been a LONG time since I last blogged...I feel as though I should apologize, but I really see no reason too. :) For a quick life update, we are now back in Rexburg, ID, and Xander finished up the semester on the 9th, and is getting ready to start the next one tomorrow.
Alex and I have been through a LOT these past three and a half months. Especially when going from tons of family around to just mom in a little over 3 days time, it is a LOT to adjust to. Alex had to learn that he wasn't going to get as much attention 24/7, and I had to almost re-learn how to take care of my own baby, without any helpers. Through lots of tears, frustration, screaming and crying - I've made it through. ;) Oh, and Alex too. It has actually been quite a fun experience for me though, and I can say that now that we have all adjusted of course. I feel like I know Alex a lot better than before; I also feel more confident when making decisions for him. I will admit, there are still many times when I get frustrated with him, and just want him to "Do what Mommy says! No questions." But then I have to remind myself that he is just a baby, and hasn't a clue what I'm talking about yet. I know he understands some things, and is understanding more everyday, so I am the one who just has to be patient. Which is very hard for me.
One thing is definitely for certain. Motherhood is no walk in the park. And more often then not, you always seem to end up the "bad guy" at least once or twice a day. Understanding that a baby's wants are his needs has also been hard for me. Because I have to tell myself that he may WANT to eat the TV and computer cords, but it is better that he not. Motherhood is also a very unselfish calling. There really isn't any room for selfishness when raising a baby! Because they take up all of your time and attention. So yes, I have learned and re-learned a lot these past couple of months, and am still alive to tell it all. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into blogging a bit more, especially as I get a nice routine down for Alex. In the meantime, here are some pictures and hopefully the video works too. He has definitely grown a lot! :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Some Days are Lazy Days!
Some days are just lazy days...whether we want them to be or not. There are just days when we are stuck in our pajamas all day long. Either you and the baby didn't get much sleep, you were up all night doing holiday preparations, or you found yourself unable to stop playing a game or put down a book - as the case may be.
As for me, I often find myself just feeling lazy, tired, and completely unmotivated to do much. On those days, I typically get frustrated that nothing has gotten done around the house, and I still have a long list of things to do. The one joy you can find though, is that your child is clean, bathed, and smartly dressed for the day...even if you haven't been able to get a shower in for the last two days.
The trick, I've realized, is to just to tell yourself that you won't get anything done today, that you are just going to sit around all day and take care of the baby. And then, if by some miracle you sneak a shower in, get a load of laundry done, or even - *gasp*- make the bed! Then you feel like you have actually accomplished something, and you can feel a little better about yourself.
Part of being a mother of a new baby is to realize that not everything is going to go as you have planned it to. That's not to say that you wont have those few rare days when they do go as planned - aren't they the best? - but just be prepared for when they don't happen. And don't feel bad, because seriously...most people do not have a spotless house on a daily basis. At least, not if they have children! :)
Yes, a shorter blog today, but just some things I've been dealing with! Especially with the holiday season coming around. :)
As for me, I often find myself just feeling lazy, tired, and completely unmotivated to do much. On those days, I typically get frustrated that nothing has gotten done around the house, and I still have a long list of things to do. The one joy you can find though, is that your child is clean, bathed, and smartly dressed for the day...even if you haven't been able to get a shower in for the last two days.
The trick, I've realized, is to just to tell yourself that you won't get anything done today, that you are just going to sit around all day and take care of the baby. And then, if by some miracle you sneak a shower in, get a load of laundry done, or even - *gasp*- make the bed! Then you feel like you have actually accomplished something, and you can feel a little better about yourself.
Part of being a mother of a new baby is to realize that not everything is going to go as you have planned it to. That's not to say that you wont have those few rare days when they do go as planned - aren't they the best? - but just be prepared for when they don't happen. And don't feel bad, because seriously...most people do not have a spotless house on a daily basis. At least, not if they have children! :)
Yes, a shorter blog today, but just some things I've been dealing with! Especially with the holiday season coming around. :)
Monday, November 22, 2010
Motherhood - a new job
When you have a child, you are thrown into a new job. Sometimes it feels like a complete change in careers, other times it simply adds on to the job you already have. And for many wonderful mothers, they still have to work during the day, and come home to their husbands and children and work again - often through the night. I admire those mothers greatly.
But what comes with this new job? For me, it comes with a lot of joy, definitely stress, hard-work, learning, crying, and sometimes feeling scared and insecure. Like many mothers, the first baby is almost your "trial and error" baby, because you are trying to do everything everyone has told you to do, and then realize none of it works - because, as I've said before, every child is different. So then you learn, and grow together, and slowly work your way into a schedule of sorts. But then, there are those days, when whatever you do - even if it seems to have worked a thousand times before - nothing you do is stopping your child from crying. You wonder if it's your fault, you wonder if they are hurting, and you wish desperately that they could just talk to you and tell you what's wrong. But they can't, and we must struggle to learn patience, long-suffering, and allow our love for them to help us through.
Motherhood, I am learning, is one of THE most stressful jobs on the body I will ever have. Sleep is almost non-existent at times, food is rushed and cold, your back almost constantly aches from lifting, showers are rushed and never alone, and often you find you are losing your hair and grinding your teeth at night. Which, by the way, cause horrible and unwanted headaches during the day. Why didn't our mothers tell us about this? Why weren't we warned? Probably because we wouldn't ever want to have children if we knew. But I am glad they don't tell us - because who would really want to miss out on the infinite joy that comes from your child? A spirit child of our Heavenly Father, given to us to watch over and protect.
I'll admit, there are MANY nights where I cringe when I hear Alex cry, and I simply want to throw my pillow over my head and pretend it's not MY child crying. And often, after dragging myself out of bed to feed him, or change his diaper, I quietly go back to bed and secretly pray that he wont wake up again - at least for another two to three hours. There are times when I feel so apprehensive about him waking up, I end up not getting any sleep because I am so afraid to hear his cry at any moment. Talk about the big stress right there. This is all definitely a learning experience for me. I keep telling myself to just sleep, and not worry about Alex waking up at all - but who will tell my teeth to stop grinding while I sleep?
Motherhood is hard work, it really is a full-time job! No matter what else you do. And there is usually no vacation time from it, no bonuses for it, and definitely very little health benefits from it. But as a new mother, I have hope. I am excited for my child's future, and even secretly desire to have a few more right away. Why would I want more right away? Well, being a mother - even without the parades and praises we should receive for it - does have it's little celebrations. Like watching your baby roll over by themselves for the first time! Or even finally hold their heads up by themselves. I cannot even describe the joy that comes to your heart at those times.
Being a mother is hard....but that is also what makes those small accomplishments so worth it!
But what comes with this new job? For me, it comes with a lot of joy, definitely stress, hard-work, learning, crying, and sometimes feeling scared and insecure. Like many mothers, the first baby is almost your "trial and error" baby, because you are trying to do everything everyone has told you to do, and then realize none of it works - because, as I've said before, every child is different. So then you learn, and grow together, and slowly work your way into a schedule of sorts. But then, there are those days, when whatever you do - even if it seems to have worked a thousand times before - nothing you do is stopping your child from crying. You wonder if it's your fault, you wonder if they are hurting, and you wish desperately that they could just talk to you and tell you what's wrong. But they can't, and we must struggle to learn patience, long-suffering, and allow our love for them to help us through.
Motherhood, I am learning, is one of THE most stressful jobs on the body I will ever have. Sleep is almost non-existent at times, food is rushed and cold, your back almost constantly aches from lifting, showers are rushed and never alone, and often you find you are losing your hair and grinding your teeth at night. Which, by the way, cause horrible and unwanted headaches during the day. Why didn't our mothers tell us about this? Why weren't we warned? Probably because we wouldn't ever want to have children if we knew. But I am glad they don't tell us - because who would really want to miss out on the infinite joy that comes from your child? A spirit child of our Heavenly Father, given to us to watch over and protect.
I'll admit, there are MANY nights where I cringe when I hear Alex cry, and I simply want to throw my pillow over my head and pretend it's not MY child crying. And often, after dragging myself out of bed to feed him, or change his diaper, I quietly go back to bed and secretly pray that he wont wake up again - at least for another two to three hours. There are times when I feel so apprehensive about him waking up, I end up not getting any sleep because I am so afraid to hear his cry at any moment. Talk about the big stress right there. This is all definitely a learning experience for me. I keep telling myself to just sleep, and not worry about Alex waking up at all - but who will tell my teeth to stop grinding while I sleep?
Motherhood is hard work, it really is a full-time job! No matter what else you do. And there is usually no vacation time from it, no bonuses for it, and definitely very little health benefits from it. But as a new mother, I have hope. I am excited for my child's future, and even secretly desire to have a few more right away. Why would I want more right away? Well, being a mother - even without the parades and praises we should receive for it - does have it's little celebrations. Like watching your baby roll over by themselves for the first time! Or even finally hold their heads up by themselves. I cannot even describe the joy that comes to your heart at those times.
Being a mother is hard....but that is also what makes those small accomplishments so worth it!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Leftover Baby Belly
We finally get pregnant, and watch with joy and amazement as our bellies begin to grow with a new small life inside of it. We wait anxiously - and often angrily during the last week or so - for their arrival. And then suddenly, our little bundles of joy are here! We're ecstatic! Elated! And most of all, extremely exhausted. Those first couple of hours with our husband and baby are the best, and one of the greatest bonding experiences we'll ever have.
And then suddenly, during all this joy, you get up to use the bathroom, sit on the toilet and get a good look at your belly. For me, I wanted to scream and cry at the same time! It looked like a wrinkly, stretch mark scarred, deflated balloon. The worst part was that when you stand up, it just hangs there...you can even pick it up and bounce it around. That image still sends shivers down my spine. Everyone tells you that it will go away, your skin will be back to normal soon, and that those stretch marks will simply disappear into thin silvery lines. It has now been nearly three months since I've had Alex...and I still have saggy skin, and lots of ruddy red stretch marks. Apparently, it all doesn't "just go away on their own" and everything goes back to normal - in fact, don't even get me started on my new set of hips! Who knew I would ever have hips. Oh no, the whole process takes almost ANOTHER nine months just to get your body back...and that's usually only if you are working out with it.
Another scare some women may get, is that they finally put their jeans on, maybe a loose fitting top, and think they are looking pretty good. That is, until they come face to face with the mirror...then you take one look and break down crying, saying "OMG! I look like my MOTHER!" No offense to my own mother of course, she said the same thing after her first baby too. And when the tears finally stop, you realize all new mothers are going through the same thing, just on different levels. And then you try to tell yourself that it's okay, this too shall pass. Someday you might get your body back...if you're willing to work out for it of course.
In the end though, when you look at your baby smiling and cooing at you, you know - deep down in that saggy belly of yours - that it really was all worth it, and maybe this is natures way of telling you to get in shape and get healthy. And you bet I'll be writing about my baby belly skin when Alex is about nine months, and letting you know if the belly does go slightly back to normal. ----on a side note, I hardly find the time to work out, so...as sporadic as my work outs are, will also determine how fast I can get my body back. So thanks Mother Nature! Thanks for ruining my pretty belly. ;-)
And then suddenly, during all this joy, you get up to use the bathroom, sit on the toilet and get a good look at your belly. For me, I wanted to scream and cry at the same time! It looked like a wrinkly, stretch mark scarred, deflated balloon. The worst part was that when you stand up, it just hangs there...you can even pick it up and bounce it around. That image still sends shivers down my spine. Everyone tells you that it will go away, your skin will be back to normal soon, and that those stretch marks will simply disappear into thin silvery lines. It has now been nearly three months since I've had Alex...and I still have saggy skin, and lots of ruddy red stretch marks. Apparently, it all doesn't "just go away on their own" and everything goes back to normal - in fact, don't even get me started on my new set of hips! Who knew I would ever have hips. Oh no, the whole process takes almost ANOTHER nine months just to get your body back...and that's usually only if you are working out with it.
Another scare some women may get, is that they finally put their jeans on, maybe a loose fitting top, and think they are looking pretty good. That is, until they come face to face with the mirror...then you take one look and break down crying, saying "OMG! I look like my MOTHER!" No offense to my own mother of course, she said the same thing after her first baby too. And when the tears finally stop, you realize all new mothers are going through the same thing, just on different levels. And then you try to tell yourself that it's okay, this too shall pass. Someday you might get your body back...if you're willing to work out for it of course.
In the end though, when you look at your baby smiling and cooing at you, you know - deep down in that saggy belly of yours - that it really was all worth it, and maybe this is natures way of telling you to get in shape and get healthy. And you bet I'll be writing about my baby belly skin when Alex is about nine months, and letting you know if the belly does go slightly back to normal. ----on a side note, I hardly find the time to work out, so...as sporadic as my work outs are, will also determine how fast I can get my body back. So thanks Mother Nature! Thanks for ruining my pretty belly. ;-)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Baby/Family update
I realized that putting random updates on a facebook status, really isn't a full on update at all! So, amongst my other momma blogging, I'm going to start putting in my family updates as well. Here we go!
Alex is now 11 weeks old, and weighed in at 11 lbs 10 oz and was 23 inches long at his two month check up. He is growing up so fast! He is starting to hold his head up a lot more, loves sitting up or standing up, and absolutely HATES tummy time. He also prefers to be held as much as possible, which, living with the grandparents isn't too hard. I try to keep him on his playmat or in his bouncer as much as possible, but it usually only lasts 10-15 minutes, sometimes less. He has the sweetest demeanor, and is starting to smile a lot more. He is still pretty much a mommy and daddy boy, and doesn't like other people holding him for very long. I try not to worry about that though, because it's just a stage he's in right now. I do worry about his weight gain though! I keep thinking he is not chunky enough yet, or that he needs to weigh more. But, my pediatrician said that he's right on target for the "average" baby weight gain. *sigh* I have an average baby. :) Thank goodness he's not below!
As for Xander, he is still working up on Fort Leavenworth, and absolutely loving his job! Apparently, doing accounting stuff is super exciting for him...thank goodness that's what he is majoring in. We have also been discussing the idea about coming back here after he graduates, and buying a house and settling down in a job on Fort Leavenworth. At first I was completely against it, I wanted us to be away from family and on our own as much as possible. But, if the job Xander gets here is what makes him happy, and he actually enjoys working, then by golly! I am going to learn to LOVE Leavenworth, KS. It really is a black hole. ;)
As for me, I am excited for what the future will bring my budding little family, and where life is going to take us. I love being a mother! I think I mention that quite often. :) But I do; it has it's challenges, it's ups and downs, and it even gets frustrating at times, but it really is so rewarding. I am also scheduling my time a lot better lately, so now I can take at least an hour or two out of my day to work on my writing. Yes, I love to write fantasy stories! It is definitely a passion of mine, and maybe one day I'll get published...or not. :) I would actually have to finish one.
So there you have it. A quick update of the Brown family. I'll be posting some family photos soon too! My wonderful sister Rocky took the pictures for us.
Alex is now 11 weeks old, and weighed in at 11 lbs 10 oz and was 23 inches long at his two month check up. He is growing up so fast! He is starting to hold his head up a lot more, loves sitting up or standing up, and absolutely HATES tummy time. He also prefers to be held as much as possible, which, living with the grandparents isn't too hard. I try to keep him on his playmat or in his bouncer as much as possible, but it usually only lasts 10-15 minutes, sometimes less. He has the sweetest demeanor, and is starting to smile a lot more. He is still pretty much a mommy and daddy boy, and doesn't like other people holding him for very long. I try not to worry about that though, because it's just a stage he's in right now. I do worry about his weight gain though! I keep thinking he is not chunky enough yet, or that he needs to weigh more. But, my pediatrician said that he's right on target for the "average" baby weight gain. *sigh* I have an average baby. :) Thank goodness he's not below!
As for Xander, he is still working up on Fort Leavenworth, and absolutely loving his job! Apparently, doing accounting stuff is super exciting for him...thank goodness that's what he is majoring in. We have also been discussing the idea about coming back here after he graduates, and buying a house and settling down in a job on Fort Leavenworth. At first I was completely against it, I wanted us to be away from family and on our own as much as possible. But, if the job Xander gets here is what makes him happy, and he actually enjoys working, then by golly! I am going to learn to LOVE Leavenworth, KS. It really is a black hole. ;)
As for me, I am excited for what the future will bring my budding little family, and where life is going to take us. I love being a mother! I think I mention that quite often. :) But I do; it has it's challenges, it's ups and downs, and it even gets frustrating at times, but it really is so rewarding. I am also scheduling my time a lot better lately, so now I can take at least an hour or two out of my day to work on my writing. Yes, I love to write fantasy stories! It is definitely a passion of mine, and maybe one day I'll get published...or not. :) I would actually have to finish one.
So there you have it. A quick update of the Brown family. I'll be posting some family photos soon too! My wonderful sister Rocky took the pictures for us.
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